


Tsuyu Must Survive

by Thixotrofic



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood Spoilers, Gen, Helplessness, Mental Anguish, Mental Illness Belittling, Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26620714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thixotrofic/pseuds/Thixotrofic
Summary: Gosetsu struggles with his weakness as Yotsuyu's fate is being decided.
Relationships: Yotsuyu goe Brutus & Gosetsu Everfall
Kudos: 7





	Tsuyu Must Survive

Gosetsu was alone as the prisoner exchange was to unfold. He had his misgivings from the beginning, but no actual basis on which to object to a plan that, regardless of the diplomatic implications, would reunite families. As the appointed date fast approached, and Tsuyu became increasingly implicated in terms that became ever more difficult to swallow, a surge of physical weakness kept him confined to his bed.

Only after the others departed had Gosetsu realized that truly, something was wrong.

It was as if he were playing a game of chess, having held the lead through the entire game. With a commanding position, there were numerous paths to close out to victory, his only difficulty being choosing one. A couple of seemingly obvious moves later, the opponent has gained some ground, but his position was still good. Lulled by confidence, he soon finds the tide reversing against him, only a few forced steps from defeat, wondering how and when things had gone so wrong.

But what did it matter, he had interrogated himself, if this one soul were saved? He had seen himself the cruelty with which the Kami could extinguish a life. A beggar starving under a tree in the outskirts of a prosperous farming village. A young soldier, enticed with promises of a better life cut down from behind in the opening seconds of his first battle. A mother and daughter, completely innocent, who had only ever brought joy to those around them… With so many others deserving of salvation that would never come, why agonize over this one soul, who had condemned so many others to destruction?

There was hope. The hope of rebirth, the hope that we live tomorrow to see a world that may be better, and we may be stronger so that we may save even the most tortured of souls.

So why then, was he in this moment so weak? Strong enough to survive, but too weak to fight. As a young swordsman in training, he mocked those that were as he is now. When others skipped practice, citing fatigue or sickness, he would ask them, “Are you not the master of your own body?” When still others, beset by feelings of hopelessness or isolation would lock themselves away or withdraw from their training, he would ask them, “Are you not the master of your own mind?”

Decades of time since then have given him the answer: one is not the master of either. A body under illness or a mind effused with grief is stronger than any chain. But that did not stop him from cursing himself.

The emotions that burned inside and poured out as tears and wretched groaning, the pitiful sum of spiritual energy he could contribute in Tsuyu’s protection could touch a heart but not save one. He knew, but could not admit that his presence or non-presence today did not matter. Fate had been decided, and it was beyond the wills of mortals to change it. What he really wished for was to become one of the great ones in the heavens, who could reverse the circuits of the stars and erase her meaningless, unending suffering.

His awareness renewed itself. He had the familiar sensation of waking up after having gone to sleep with an illness and needing to move to see if he were still afflicted or if it had passed in the night. He found he could get up. The Kami had released their hold on him. It was already too late. He could go, or hide himself from the outcome. There would be no solace, no redemption, and no chance of his changing anything. Gosetsu took his first step.


End file.
